Baby Racing Is One of Our Greatest Sports

Illustration for article titled Baby Racing Is One of Our Greatest Sports

Baby racing, aka Diaper Derbies, are a time-honored tradition and happen all over the country—the third annual Lollipop Derby took place last week. Above is a snapshot from the 2012 Aquafor Diaper Derby at the Hilton New York. Notice that while the left baby looks completely ready for competition, the right baby appears readily terrified.


But the best photos of these wonderful events are those from the early days when baby racing was just in its infancy.

Further back, babies of yore only donned diapers while being bred for battle. These archived photos from the 1940s and ‘50s feature babies surrounded by giant bottles, looking just as petrified as the toddlers of today.


Dressing small human beings in adorable bows and shrunken clothes and having them crawl across a race track to win a prize is possibly one of our greatest achievements.

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Image via Getty

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Yoga Nerd, Maybe Dead

Please. This is more pathetic SJW nonsense. Racing is about testing human excellence, and racing babies is not a test of that. People want to watch the best athletes compete, and the best athletes are fully grown humans. Want proof? Not a single baby plays on an major professional sports team. World track and field records are all held by grown-ups. Even the fastest baby would lose to an average grown up. There’s a reason baby athletes are paid less than adult athletes, and why baby sports aren’t as popular as adult sports. Face it babies - biology is biology, and in that, you lose.