Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat

Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat

Illustration for article titled Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat
Image: Jeff Spicer/Getty Images (Getty Images)

It would be folly to try and pretend that Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie are the best English royals, but history will probably remember them as being far from the worst English royals. They are completely average, as far as royals go, save for the facts that they’ve managed to parlay “quitting internships” and “visiting places” into resume skills, as well as additionally holding the titles of first and second-best tiny hat wearers in all of England for more than a decade.

For a combination of these reasons, Beatrice and Eugenie have long been my favorites of their admittedly not-that-great family. They are like if the Bush twins were also the Schlegel sisters from Howard’s End. Fancy, yet also somehow not that fancy, theoretically opposed to people being poor or sick or whatever, yet easily distracted by a teensy flower attached to half a hat. But unlike Helen Schlegel, Princess Eugenie is expecting a legitimate baby. Congratulations to the princesses and to that baby! To celebrate the occasion, let us retell the story of the Schlegal sisters, two other also sort-of German members of the English ruling class, through the magic of Beatrice and Eugenie’s smallest, most whimsical hats.

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2 / 9

This is a hat that says, “I’m sorry I took your umbrella, Leonard, and also, theoretically, about social classes.”

This is a hat that says, “I’m sorry I took your umbrella, Leonard, and also, theoretically, about social classes.”

Illustration for article titled Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat
Image: Pascal Le Segretain (Getty Images)
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3 / 9

“She really is sorry about the umbrella and the fact that you don’t have any money, Leonard, here’s my card!”

“She really is sorry about the umbrella and the fact that you don’t have any money, Leonard, here’s my card!”

Illustration for article titled Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat
Image: Pascal Le Segretain (Getty Images)
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4 / 9

It is difficult to be English aristocracy and also a little bit German and also carry much of the nation’s whimsy on one’s shoulders.

It is difficult to be English aristocracy and also a little bit German and also carry much of the nation’s whimsy on one’s shoulders.

Illustration for article titled Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat
Image: IAN MCILGORM (Getty Images)
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5 / 9

A somber tiny hat. One that says, I am going to set about sorting things for you, Leonard.

A somber tiny hat. One that says, I am going to set about sorting things for you, Leonard.

Illustration for article titled Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat
Image: Chris Jackson (Getty Images)
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6 / 9

Though Beatrice does rather carry her sister in terms of fanciful bijou...

Though Beatrice does rather carry her sister in terms of fanciful bijou...

Illustration for article titled Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat
Image: Peter Macdiarmid (Getty Images)


much as Margaret carried Helen in terms of sort of having sense, her head has not actually sprouted a partridge wing in order to give her a permanent, fancy little hat.

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7 / 9

The exact look Margaret Schlegel gave Henry Wilcox when she decided:

The exact look Margaret Schlegel gave Henry Wilcox when she decided:

Illustration for article titled Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat
Image: Chris Jackson (Getty Images)


“There’s really nothing to be done about affairs between older English gentry with vulnerable women from lower classes that have no repercussions for men, yet ruin the women’s lives. Might as well marry this shitty old man!”

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8 / 9

“Also sorry about the bookshelf, Lenoard! We are a couple of sillies!”

“Also sorry about the bookshelf, Lenoard! We are a couple of sillies!”

Illustration for article titled Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie Can Really Make the Most of Half a Hat
Image: Peter Macdiarmid (Getty Images)
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9 / 9

DISCUSSION