This Year's Scariest Halloween Decoration is This 2000 Florida Voting Machine

Have you been decorating your home for Halloween? I imagine your doorstep is littered with pumpkins and little plastic skeletons and spiders, arranged to both invite and also freak out the neighborhood children who will come by for trick or treating. But for those that want their house to be the most terrifying on the block, the auction house Bonhams just put something up for sale that will really take your Halloween decor to the next level.

Behold, an old Florida voting machine from the 2000 presidential election! I know, it hurts to look at it, it’s so scary. Bonhams is currently listing the machine starting at $1,000 to $1,500 and it includes cards with the names of the candidates and specimen ballots. Did a shiver run down your spine when you read ballots? Yes, this monstrosity and its punch-card ballots often left Florida voters only detaching a portion of the paper to create a “hanging chad” and thus were not counted by voting machines. Like watching a group of brazen, beautiful teenagers enter a dilapidated haunted house in a ’70s horror movie, we all know what happened next.

The sight of this voting machine on your doorstep, amid the plastic cobwebs and ghoulish paper decorations, will cause the color to drain from adults’ faces and their wee, innocent children to ask “What’s that, daddy?” Buy it and keep the Halloween candy all of yourself, because nobody’s coming up to your door with this thing outside.